We walked into the new decade of 2020 with the idea of the "perfect vision" for the upcoming year. But nowadays it's trendy to wear glasses that aren't even prescribed, so we all can have that "perfect vision." But to say we had to spend more than a quarter of 2020 quarantined…well, we definitely didn't see that one coming!

"It's a bird… it's a plane … it's…NOT Superman!?"

Thanks a lot, trendy glasses! I guess they are only meant to be fashionable and not practical, are they even sustainable? I hope the return policy still applies!

With the cancellation and delays of sporting events, major music festivals and artists have also postponed their concerts. Let's just hope that summer doesn't get canceled! (#dontcancelsummer) It might be as bad or even worse than canceling Christmas! Has the Grinch given up on Christmas and decided to take over Summer? (you start singing You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.)

During this time of the blurred vision, we had to adjust our eyesight to the "new normal," which has left that 20/20 eyesight permanently blurred, and there is no laser fixin' this one folks.

Thankfully the internet experts have given us a surplus of tips on how to maintain some sort of routine or "normalcy" because you know staying at home not interacting with other human beings and wearing gloves and masks in public isn't "normal." Except for the few who spend most of their time in their own world plotting to take over the world, like Pinky and the Brain – thankfully, they are only just lab rats.

As much as I tried to follow the advice of internet experts, I found myself very much even more so out of routine and way out of character, such as watching IGTV videos of Hillary Duff doing makeup tutorials (I don't even follow the girl on Instagram). I also found myself coming across YouTube videos of Shallon Lester, who analyzes celebrity relationships. I couldn't believe that I watched a 20-minute physic analysis on JLO and AROD's relationship at 2 in the morning! Like, who am I becoming? I was also swallowed by YouTube videos of paparazzi filming and photographing celebrities on the street who keep getting hounded with the same question. I thought to myself, is this actually a job?! I can't believe people get paid to stock people. For what? I also jumped on the bag wagon watching Tiger King (but not downloading TikTok) … 2 things that I took away from Tiger King. (1) I can never look at cheetah print, tiger print, or whatever cat print on clothing the same again. I know its a print that "will never go out a style," but I think Tiger King really made it unfashionable, and (2) Joe Exotic would make a PERFECT WWE character! As a matter of fact, they ALL would make perfect WWE characters. Maybe we should bring them to the ring, put them in a cage, and see who comes out alive as the REAL Tiger King!

I started eating and sleeping at any time of the day because that's what happens when it's just days and no such thing as time! The only normal and in-routine thing I saw was that the Starbucks drive-thru is still super long! I guess America Runs on Starbucks NOT Dunkin' because Starbucks is actually in all 50 states, and Dunkin' is not (I dare you to Google it)!

I have also noticed how the arts and natures contribution to our well-being is quite evident during this time, which brought even more light to the case of how IMPORTANT they are.

Oh, we are also in the middle of a campaign because, its election year! 🤣A quick side story here: A few years ago, I was a suite waitress at a ballpark, and when we were not attending our suites, we would all hang out inside this room. There was this very liberal individual, and this very conservative individual who would always go at each other and have these hardcore political debates. To be honest, it was quite entertaining to be witnessing it because it was fun to listen to two perspectives, but what was funnier was how pissed they both would get, sometimes one of them storming out of the room. But as the season went on, I started to notice that these 2 individuals just like to argue, obviously with each other, but all they really wanted to do was argue and fight (just like how some people just want to complain). So should we all just you know, "agree to disagree"? I'm sorry I have a dumb question, are we in business for the long term or short term?

No matter if you are sticking to a "normal routine" or finding ourselves riding the wave of emotions, so far 2020 didn't give us that "perfect vision" but provides us with the perspective that can't be prescribed or bought. We have given the opportunity to step back, slow down, and look at the big picture and stop offering compromises as to why we aren't able to do something about it. We have been confronted. Confronted individually and collectively pondering the answer to the question, "Are we really waiting for a return to normal, or are we ready to build something different?"

If we fail to see that, then maybe we should focus on getting some binoculars for Christmas so we can readjust our perspective and see the details from a distance plus, there is also a thing called bird watching!

So, cheers (or salud) to always working on our perspective instead of seeking the "perfect vision."

By Cristina Byrne

Words By Cristina Byrne

A wave of emergency floods not only our feeds and the media but our daily lives. A very contagious virus called COVID-19 is currently running the world (Beyoncé might want to change her lyrics) and teaching us how to do Tony Hawk’s signature move (a 900-degree spin in midair).

We are bombarded with reminders to wash our hands, how to wash our hands, and don’t touch our face, things I thought we already knew before we even went to school.

We are suppose to be practicing social distancing but wouldn’t it be technically called physical distancing? But what do I know, I never paid attention in school.

People are scared while others, like those young and untouchable spring breakers, are YOLOING it up! If you think about it, there is a bit of irony behind “You Only Live Once.” Do whatever you want because you only live once but you can’t do whatever you want because you only live once. Either way, if Drake copyrighted that phrase he could have been retired from rapping already.

People are clinging on to whatever they can but more so to TOLIET PAPER...?! I would like to understand the thinking behind the fear of not being able to wipe your own ass! But I guess if it all goes to shit it would make the most sense! Has anyone in the media actually interviewed someone who was partaking in this act of nonsense? They have created followers to pursue leaving the rest of us to use corn husks like “the good old days” you know, natures way. We really should just make bidets a thing and skip the TP all together, it’s only creating MORE waste. Plus, we are clogging the toilets people and no it’s NOT all that TP – it’s those damn Clorox wipes that are being flushed away.

Grocery stores have become bare as consumers buy all the meat, pork, chicken and even liver leaving some of us to become forced vegetarians during these times of combat (we “need” our animal protein)! Pasta has been wastefully spilled on the floor, rice and beans have not been seen, potatoes are at a scarce and the sweet potatoes are not successfully found. Which left those who didn’t get first DIBS with no option but to buy that “expensive organic crap.”

Americans’ food options have been limited; will we ever take advantage of our options again? During times of war, people became resourceful with their meals learning how to make the food stretch. Luckily, in the 21st century, we have a thing called TAKE OUT #supportyourlocalbuisnesses ya’ll!

And the bare shelving doesn’t mean a shortage of food; it only APPEARS that way but don’t worry, we will most likely run out of money before we run out of food in the U.S of A.

Thousands are now out of work but there is plenty of beer and wine to go around for the whole neighborhood, enough apples to make granny’s famous apple pie, and of course gourmet cheeses because nobody is having any fancy parties these days. There is also plenty of fruits and veggies which is to no surprise because who likes to eat them anyways?! We are all about that East Coast Carb Diet (pizza, pasta, donuts, and bagels).

Be careful what you read, what you hear, and what you spread (no pun intended) because that’s how rumors get started (or #fakenews) like pets getting COVID-19, I actually called my vet and asked because she would know NOT the internet.

But of course with all madness there is goodness or with all mayhem comes yayhem (Yup, I am making up a word).

From Shakira’s Instagram’s: “So proud of the positive efforts of companies in these difficult times, like my partners at Puig, who’ve turned over their perfume factory to the production of vital hand sanitizer to donate to the Spanish government. A great example of doing social good. I hope it inspires other companies” to Microbreweries, Motor Companies, and more factories nationwide are halting their usual production to do their part. News also reports since weddings and birthdays are getting canceled due to our need to social distance people have gotten creative and starting celebrating with drive-by parades. Musicians giving out free concerts to keeps us all at bay.

Parents are now forced to stay at home with their children and understand what teachers deal with on a daily basis, thank God the only kid you have to deal with is your own. We are figuring out our creative hobbies and even though this isn’t “vacation time” you now have the time to work on that “Million Dollar Idea.”

No more excuses and no more complaints about not having enough time “to do whatever”! Folks you asked for it and now you got it, so do something about it!

Lots of babies might be conceived, learning how to consume only what you need, and realize that ‘Netflix and Chill’ is now getting old because there is only so much tube one can see. And all this time we didn’t take advantage of going outside, maybe we should rethink how we use our time.

Will there be a rain check on the St Patty’s Day parade?

People are slinging mask instead of dope out in L.A, two ladies stand on opposite sides of the road talking to each other on the phone while still getting in their 10,000 steps for the day.

And let’s NOT talk about the political climate, pa-pa-please! It all just sounds the same to me.

I naturally question, what businesses are booming? How will the afterlife of COVID-19 be? Should I change my career path to something that is “more of necessity”? You know like one of them “real jobs” with a 401K? Maybe I should be a salesperson and sell whatever is “of need.”

Tom Brady is no longer a Patriot, Justin Bieber has an album called ‘Changes,’ and Warren Buffett handed over his keys.

Hmm…there has been a change of breeze.

To quote my 87-year-old Grandma, “Everyone is crazy, except for me!” and proceeds with a laugh.

What a hoot this is and so is she and so are all we.

P.s. I am still looking for work and the humor is free!