Thoughts and Feelings about Tinned Fish

by Emy Butler and Jordan Murphy

Jordan Murphy: First, you gotta understand terroir

Terrior (pronounced “tare-wahr”) is basically the cornerstone of the whole appreciation of wine and food. It's this French idea that wine and food are supposed to be about a sense of time and place. It’s an experience, an appreciation of a specific moment, an homage to someone’s craft. Food and wine are expressed in a myriad of ways based on the palate of the consumer, the technique of the chef/winemaker, the quality of the soil, the pedigree of the winery or restaurant, the weather that year, the lunar cycle, a love of farming, the history of a village, the soul of a community …it’s fascinating and complicated and historic and dreamy and blunt and gross and scientific and surprising, and terroir celebrates every bit of that nuance. 

My friend Emy had been asking about tinned fish for a while when I told her to put her money where her gills are and come taste some with me at Redneck Beach. Little did we know what our day would turn into. We babysat some old pawpaws grandchildren so he could flirt with his girlfriend. We were some of the only people there who spoke English. And we enjoyed every minute of it, the last hot day of 2022, in some perfect blend of chaos and peace. Which also describes the dichotomy of eating seafood out of a fucking’ can. Lemme tell you though if you're buying the right stuff, there's some fresh-ass, delicious food in that tin.

Emy Butler: Had my dear friend and I not outran the police that one night, I would have never known about the tinned fish community.

Cockles in cold pressed grapeseed, ok, white tuna belly filets, Galician mussels in Spanish sauce. Fish roe in spicy olive oil. Fish balls. Peppered mackerel. Brined anchovies. Infinite and personal mollusks swimming in hot juice, hiding in the dark, wading. These lil canned po’ boys were low cost with high protein starting in the early 1900s. Now, there is an unforeseen grip that tinned fish has on an entire culture, and to an extent, I do get it.

Shelf stable, eco-friendly, an endless variety, and still affordable for now. However, gentrification has reached the fish aisle. Trout in a can is being sat next to a passion fruit next to a $45 local soft cheese. Growing up as an underprivileged girl raised on potted meat and saltines that made her way through life in the service industry, one can say, I'm most definitely intrigued. 

I told my criminal of a friend to take me to a horrible place. There we would indulge in this pop-top of strange social status swimming in all the darkest corners of the unknown kitchen cabinet. Under a broken beach umbrella, we lay out our Hot Girl Spread on a pink and black sarape, outlooking the murky and movey Tennessee, its floor filled with its own version of radiated clams and mussels. Atop the sandshore of Taluca Beach, we toast our tins. And to Diaper Island, our Ranch Waters.

We sat and ate what we could but ended up baptizing each other in the river, packing up the fish and all the ants that red clay could house, then blasted Yelawolf down the windy, dirty country roads back home, then met with another girlfriend to just eventually split a bag of Krab Kingz. Special thanks to the two men in Birmingham that helped jack up the car and changed out tires after outrunning the cops. Without them, CHUM wouldn't have had a CHUM Bucket this time. 

JM: A few months ago, the owner of Russ over at Research Park Wine Merchants introduced me to the concept of Merrioir (pronounced “mare-wahr”), which is like terroir, but under the sea. Blew my fucking mind. I was already a fan of conservas (Spanish and Portuguese tinned fish) thanks to the restaurant Domaine South who had a little resection on their menu dedicated to them last summer, and Russ only furthered my appreciation. He showed me a copy of a book that his friend Chris McDade wrote called The Magic of Tinned Fish and I was immediately hooked. It's a fascinating and educational book about how to appreciate, cook with and eat conservas. He suggests high-quality brands, tells you how to pack a Spanish seafood picnic, and includes through-provoking recipes like anchovy sauce on a charred steak, alongside twists on old classics like dank-ass tuna salad sandwiches. Research Park Wine Merchants keeps a great line of conservas on hand, so I bought a $16 tin of La Brujula Yellowfin Tuna Belly there and experienced a spiritual awakening when I ate it that night, straight out of the mother fucking can, and was reminded that some of the best things in life need no accouterment.

This piece was first published in CHUM Vol.8

 
 

Today in Sports, Chef Curry Serves Up Baseball Hits

Chef Ryan Curry is the Executive Chef AND Director of Food and Beverage at the Rocket City Trash Pandas - America's Premier Minor League Baseball Team in Madison, Alabama.

With their Undefeated 2020 Season or "The Perfect Season,"… 2020 was the year of "Just Trash." The Pandas anticipated a BLAST OFF to their inaugural season, but instead, fans from a distance chanted, "This is Trash!"

So hopefully, in 2021, we can enjoy a baseball game—none of this "watch it on TV" bullcrap! 

But actually, go to a game because there is something to be said about ballpark ambiance that can add to the whole baseball experience. 

You got the sights of mascots clowning around, the jumbotron, and people clamoring over the t-shirt toss. The 'crack' sound of a baseball bat, the 'roars' the 'cheers' and the "boos" of a crowd, the funny sound effects in between pitches, the traditional sound of organ music (which feels like the only place you hear it these days maybe besides church), and a hawker yelling, "Get yer cold beer here!" 

And, of course, the food!

Food is everything, and everything revolves around food. People flock for food, people go for the food, people fight over food, people want food, people love food, people NEED food!

The nice thing about a ballpark is that you can find all sorts of grub there, from a dawg to sesame-crusted ahi tuna and all kinds of in-betweens. So, whoever thinks that ballpark food is hotdogs and beer has never explored the possibilities of chow one can find there. Just because food served up in fancy restaurants distracted by a pretty presentation doesn't make it better than good ole' ballpark food. 

After all, the hot dog is warm, filling, and salty and compliments a cold beer quite well.

Even though certain items such as peanuts, beer, Cracker Jacks, hamburgers, and yes, hotdogs—have become the central part of baseball grub, it wasn't the case when baseball first started. 

At first, ballpark food was centered around ham sandwiches, cheese sandwiches, or ham and cheese sandwiches in certain exceptional circumstances! As the game's popularity grew, so did fans' palates. Ice cream, lemonade, and popcorn became popular concession items as well! Since then, ballpark tastes have come along way, and today it has showcased world-renowned chef creations, regional specialties, and offerings of outrageous baseball bites. Ranging from a peanut-butter-and-jelly bacon burger, BBQ pork parfait, Twinkie Dogs, Churro "Dessert" Poutine, and grasshoppers (yep, the insects like in Mexico!) Even vegan and kosher options!

Chef Ryan Curry from Northern California has the recipe for persuasion and proudly serves it to anyone who thinks a Stadium Chef can only cook hot dogs and peanuts, "It's something that took me a little while to come to grips with," says Curry. 

People think stadium chefs are uncreative and uneducated carnies that schlep stale hot dogs and pretzels to crazed fans. Maybe that was the case 25 years ago, but "stadium chefs today are creative, out-of-the-box thinkers that hold culinary degrees, great leaders, and look good on TV, if possible," explains Curry. 

Slated to begin his fourteenth season in sports, Curry crafts recipes and leads a food service team that prepares culinary delights for thousands at a time during professional baseball games, soccer matches, and industry conferences. 

He was ranked a Top 10 Chef in Minor League Baseball by Sports Illustrated in 2010. "It wasn't my favorite dish, but it received the most buzz of anything I've ever done. It was a cheeseburger on an artisan green chili bun, ghost pepper cheese, and topped with a red chili cotton candy poof, called the Tumbleweed Burger," says Curry. Featured around the nation on sports and news shows and even made it to the BBC, and a cooking show called "The Hairy Bikers" that went out of their way to feature it on their show when they were doing a tour of Route 66. 

"The year before, I came in as runner up for the best new menu item for Venues Now for a Green Chili Peach Flambé. I honestly liked that item better than the tumbleweed burger (read HERE)," Curry says. In 2019 for the Albuquerque Isotopes, he even received a lot of fanfare for a dish he created and ended up winning the Best New Menu Item by Venues Now (read HERE).

But for Curry, whose accolades designing stadium specialties was the furthest thing from a dream job. 

"I remember thinking to myself; there is no way I'd lower myself and my career to that of a stadium chef," Curry recalls. 

During the financial crisis of 2007, his Dad had fallen ill. He moved back home to Grass Valley, California, a small town about an hour north of Sacramento that is tucked into the National Forests' line to be closer to his family, leaving a position as Executive Sous Chef at the Marriott in Anchorage, Alaska. "Many restaurants in the area were closed due to hard times. I looked for a job, but they were very hard to come by in the area. Many chefs were unemployed due to closings," states Curry.

For weeks, one particular job that appeared in the paper was a chef position for the Sacramento River Cats, the Triple-A Minor League affiliate of the Oakland A's. "I thought I went to one of the best culinary schools in the country. I worked for premier restaurants, private clubs, ski resorts, and hotels up and down the west coast. Cooking hot dogs and hamburgers was way below me," he said.

His mom finally convinced him to go for an interview advising him that, "It's always easier to find a job when you already have one."

He got the gig, and well, the rest is history.

Curry has been in the food and beverage industry for 27 years. He began his sophomore year in high school as a dishwasher and has worked his way up to currently the Executive Chef AND Director of Food and Beverage at the Rocket City Trash Pandas.

Curry reveals, "to be a ballpark chef, it takes excellent organization, leadership skills, patience, and a good work ethic." He also says, "when you have 200+ employees working for you, you must have patience. You will also put in many more hours than you want. You can't expect your staff to work hard if you are not leading by example." These were skills that he gathered overtime and working with great leaders. "I owe a lot of my success to a GM I had at the Sacramento Rivercats. We butted heads and did not agree for the first half of my second season at the Rivercats. Then something clicked where I put my ego away and realized I could learn a lot from him if I'd stop and listen. It was the most valuable thing I've done in my career to date," he said.

Even though Curry doesn't cook anywhere near what he used to, he explains that his job is more of a Director, which gives his team the information and tools they need to execute successful events, sometimes for ten days or more in a row. "My time is spent writing recipes, scheduling, ordering, inventory, data entry, data analysis, POS systems, research, and spreadsheets. Financial responsibilities like forecasting, budgeting, and cost savings take up a considerable part of my time," he says.

With his new directorial role as Director of Food & Beverage Curry still has a lot to learn as well as learning to playball with other department heads, “I'd be naive to think I'd step into this role knowing the best way to do everything. It's essential that all of us understand what others are going through and what is brought to the table. You don't necessarily have to like your fellow directors, but you have to work well as a team to better the operation. Sometimes ego's get in the way. Or the "this is how I've always done it" mentality. We've all worked hard to get where we are today. I feel I'm more open to suggestions than some I work with. I've slowly realized that I'm not always right or don't always know the best way.”

Not only is Chef Curry dealing with learning how to play ball with other Directors but he is also dealing with curveballs of uncertainty to each event and working with 200+ seasonal, part-time employees also have its challenges. "The call-offs, employee issues, and everything that goes along with relying on a workforce that may or may not feel this is what they want to be doing as a career. When I was working in restaurants and hotels, doing fine dining cuisine, most of my team members were culinary school graduates or had been in the business for a long time and looked at it as a career. The majority of your staff in a stadium environment does not look at the job the same. I am also trying to gauge what 10,000 people may eat during an event. I have a pretty good idea of what will get consumed during most events as I've been doing sports and entertainment for over 12 years. Many factors can swing the attendance of a game, weather, other local events, what players are playing or may not be playing, how the team is doing. I can arrive to work at 9 am, and attendance projections can be at 7,500, but by the time we open gates and get actual attendance, 11,000 could have walked through the gates.  It can also swing the other way, which is very tough to plan. You have to be ready for anything."

He is also dealing with 10,000 critics per event experiencing the venue and criticizing it. He also gets negative feedback, such as fans thinking he is "dog shit and should find another career to pursue." Curry explains, "Let's say your venue averages somewhere around 550,000 fans per year for various games, concerts, and special events. You might make 97% of the fans happy, which isn't always the case in sports and entertainment, but that leaves 16,500 folks unhappy, and not raving about your food. And that was hard for me." Curry continues, "I have a passion for what I do. I also must realize I'm putting my trust and faith into a large team of food and beverage folks to execute my vision and do it the same way hundreds of times per event. We are human beings. Not perfect beings. Things will go wrong no matter how well prepared you are. How well your team is trained. How good your recipes and direction are. Once I got over that, I was able to sleep better at night." 

There is a massive scope food and beverage prepares for that one may not realize, "the meals in the press box to pre and post-game meals, umpire meals, meals for the bus, catering, picnics, concessions, suites, and sports med stadium club etc. Every single hot dog, orange slice, nacho chip, plastic spoon, ice cream cone, and ounce of soda has been planned, cost out, organized, ordered, counted, and executed. For this to happen, 200 employees have to be driving on all cylinders. Food and beverage is the largest department to staff as a whole. Again, It's not just hot dogs and hamburgers as most think," he explains.

Positive customer service sets many venus apart. Every facet of the stadium operations is essential in the overall positive customer service experience, from the parking attendants to the ticket takers to security to ushers to cleaning crew to food and beverage workers to on-field entertainment to store clerks, and to visual production. "It all comes together for a truly memorable experience for our fans. If one area fails, it starts a domino effect. Suppose a fan has a bad experience in any area, their perception of the real event changes. Of course, I like to think F&B has the biggest shoes to fill, and I will preach that to my team to rally them, but we are only as good as the rest of the stadium operations. So, in other words, we are number one!" Curry laughs.

But Curry is most proud when he works with young kids and molding them into future leaders in the culinary world. "My first sous chef at Raley Field got transferred to be the chef of a large casino in Idaho. My two sous chef at Raley Field was transferred and became the chef for Cal Expo and Bonney Field. My third sous chef at Raley Field was the chef for the El Paso Chihuahuas and is now the chef for the Albuquerque Isotopes. My current sous chef at Toyota Field was a lead cook of mine at the Isotopes and was transferred to be the sous chef for Texas Tech, and then I stole him from there to help me open Toyota Field."

I asked him what he enjoyed most about his job, and he said, "I love getting to be creative and thinking outside of the box. I've had a lot of fun in sports and entertainment. I fell in love with it. I love sports and always have. Even though you don't get to watch much of it or even know which team is winning most of the time, being in the environment is electric. The excitement and the roar of the crowd are intoxicating, and I love the grand scale of it all. There are 75 different areas of a stadium where food and beverage coincide throughout the day. From pre-game meals for the home and away team, post-game meals for both teams, umps, media, multiple concession stands, numerous catering areas, food portables, 35 luxury suites, club areas, restaurants, etc., etc.," 

With his experience working in MLB, NFL, MLS, and many minor league baseball kitchens, he states that "the kitchens and concession stands here at Toyota Field are by far equipped the best I've seen. We are very fortunate here."

If you are curious about Trash Panda food, make sure to head over to Toyota Field this season and get yourself more than just a hotdog!

Ryan Curry is a California native and a graduate of the California Culinary Academy. Curry has 24 years' experience as a professional chef and has worked for Major League and Minor League teams, restaurants, country clubs, resorts, and hotels up and down the West Coast from California to Alaska. Curry also served as Executive Chef for the 2016 Major League Soccer All-Star Game in San Jose, Calif.  

He is also the Dad of a sweet dog named Basil. 

STORY: The Joy Of Christmas Is In The Experience

New Holiday Traditions

By Christina Ihnken

My first Christmas as a newlywed taught me that expectations and traditions – especially if they are not your own - usually end in disaster. I had unreasonable expectations for our first Christmas because being a newlywed in my first house and my first Christmas ever in the United States, I thought I had to prove that I could do it all. I felt the pressure even before Pinterest made all my efforts look inadequate and before the “Baby it’s cold outside” controversy.

 Here we were. Colorado Springs. It was our first Christmas and it had to be PERFECT. There would be family and friends to judge me and pictures to remind me of success or failure for the rest of my life. (Note: I couldn’t find a single picture today) Everything had to match, meaning a slight variation in color from the ruby red dishtowels to the dark ruby red hand towels was unacceptable. While I was stressing out over every little detail at home, Ryan drove up the mountain into the forest to pick out the perfect tree and chop it down himself. On the way up the mountain his truck got stuck in heavy snow; after digging himself out he got a speeding ticket that cost more than the tree, and back at the house the tree was so tall no tree topper would fit. The sticky sap from the tree-covered our new hardwood floor before I had a chance to put down the carefully selected tree skirt. The sap would not come off the floor or the tree skirt, and the pine needles were stuck in the carpet throughout the house and could be found around furniture and stuck in socks for months. To top it all off, at the end of the season we were so frustrated with the tree that we decided to open the window and throw the tree into the backyard instead of dragging it all the way through the house to dispose of it. Out the window it went, right onto the shiny new grill Santa had brought weeks prior. The dreaded tree ripped off a door and left a nice dent.

This year, 10 years later, I somehow find myself experiencing the extreme opposite.

I didn’t plan to not decorate at all for Christmas, but I did consciously decide to not pack any Christmas decorations when moving from the United States to Belgium. As I was packing in June I thought it would be a waste of space to bring along any decorations plus most of them needed to be plugged in and I wasn’t going to buy a generator to convert my blinking lighthouse collection from 110 volt to 220 volt. The plan was to pick up a few things in Belgium. Now one week before Christmas there is no Christmas tree, I don’t have any Christmas cookies baked and there are no decorations at all at the house, inside or out.

Presents have been wrapped in the least festive Christmas paper available (Thanks to my husband for picking up mushroom vampire paper as a joke) and they are tucked away in my closet because there is no tree to place them under. If it wasn’t for Alexa playing Christmas music, you wouldn’t even know Christmas is right around the corner.  

Looking back at past Christmases, I don’t remember many of the decorations I had or any of the presents I got but I remember all the wonderful people I met along the way that became extended family and the traditions they shared with me. Everyone I met had different traditions like watching a certain movie, eating a particular dessert or going for a drive around the neighborhood to see all the holiday lights, and most of those traditions stuck with me and will always remind me of the person I picked it up from.  I feel very lucky that this year I’ll be celebrating with new friends again and maybe learn about new holiday traditions.

Wishing all of you a Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2019! Here is to making new friends, embracing new traditions, and for me hopefully finding a happy holiday decorating medium next year. 

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The Maker of Christmas

By Larissa Nemeth

As a kid I was a huge believer in magic, as well as a strong proponent of NEVER under any circumstances, peeking behind the curtain.  I always wanted to BELIEVE the magic, not BE the magic.  Well, my friends, that day has come - fast forward 25 years and here I am, the wizard herself.  Pulling all the strings and pushing all the buttons that infuse a season with whimsy and wonderment. I have become the maker of Christmas.

 If I'm going to be honest here, which I may as well be, its sort of great.  I can't say with any definition WHEN the switch occurred, the change from being more excited to get the present to being more pumped to give it. But it happened. The shrieks of excitement when our elf, Jingles Joyberg, moves from inside the cookie jar to hanging upside down from the light fixture or the anxious reading of a note from Santa or simply getting to open the next day on the advent calendar. Seeing my kids alight with cheer is one of the reasons to take pause in the hectic machinery of running a family. All of their delight and anticipation gives me joy. Maybe the careful, hard work I put in to creating an atmosphere of magic reaps a greater result because of the emotional investment? I wonder what the science is behind all of it... 

I would, no doubt, be lying if I said that I DON'T pine for the unsullied joy of the childhood wonder of Christmas past. However, I now derive a simpler pleasure from the season.  The lights, the  baking, the live performances, the planning, the overall sense of goodwill- in short, the Christmas Spirit. Everyone can find something to be warm about in this one short month. Believe me, it would behoove you to, mainly because after the holidays it is just cold, damp and dark in the northeast with no reprieve in sight.  I encourage all Grinches to cave - just give in, and admit - it's magical, dammit!

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Does Santa really exist?

By Cristina Byrne

There is an idea presented to us of what Christmas looks like, leaving us with those expectations of what its supposed to be like. I can’t necessarily speak about those expectations because I only know about my experiences.

Christmas comes once a year, as you know every year at the same time. For some, its shopping lists, donations, work parties, family, friends, church, gift exchanges, get-togethers, drinking, the weather, lots of eating, a movie, a show, getting engaged, caroling, or Chinese food. It can be hectic, it can be busy, people can be crazy and they can be given. “The bells are ringing, children are singing, oh what a beautiful time.”

Can I wish you a Merry Christmas? Or is it a Happy Christmas?

For me, the first part of my childhood Christmases were spent in Caracas, Venezuela where my Abuelita lives. Every year we would go down there and it was always a big hurrah with the familia! The days were filled with traditional Venezuelan food such as Pan de Jamon and Hallacas, there was singing, dancing, exchange of stories and outings. We cheered, we laughed, we play a dice game called Cacho and to top it all off there was even a visit from Santa Clause himself. Yes, Santa personally delivered my Christmas gifts! I am not sure who's idea this was to actually have him jiggle his bells through my Abuelita’s front door but not until last year was it revealed that it was my Tio Manuel who occasionally dressed up as the Fat Man in the Red Suit. I have very fond memories of those Christmases and every once in awhile I doze off to re-live them.

Back to school from break and the question was asked, “What did you get for Christmas?” At the time it seemed like an innocent question to ask or be asked but somehow it felt and was even interpreted as a moment to brag about what you got, what you did or what your holiday looked like – oh the expectations! I mean who wouldn’t want to talk about what happened over Christmas? Like the time when you got a Lava Lamp because they are cool or how you were the only one that found it funny to give a whoopee cushion as a gift exchange. How your Dad is a “practical guy” and he likes to give things of necessity like toothpaste or scissors and who still hides your gifts in the tree. The times when you and your brother came home from college and binge watch movies and never left the basement as everyone else was out at the bar. The time when your Grandma gives you an 80’s yoga book that she found in her closet and a 5-year-old desk calendar telling us that it can be used for origami. The time you hiked part of the Appalachian Trail and the Mexican Pyramids, saw the Christmas Tree in New York City and in Chicago, how you accidentally went to Mexico on the way to Bolivia, spent Christmas in foreign and domestic land and pondered about the infamous question of, “Does Santa really exist?”

Now, every kid comes to a moment in their life wondering about this question. Either older siblings tell you or the kids at school do but my mother would always answer, “If you believe it then its real.” It was that simple. I realized that it was never about Santa Clause or a “Merry Christmas” or the kind of gifts you received or how many gifts you got or the wrapping paper used or any expectations that needed to be upheld. It was about believing in the magic and creating the magic which are life lessons that I carry with me to this day.

From my first Christmases in Venezuela to the present day, I have no expectations for I only have experiences.

“God bless us, everyone!”  - Tiny Tim.

STORY: All About Hugging

“Hug it Out” by Larissa Nemeth

I was waiting in line to get in to a venue for a show in Philadelphia recently.  These congregations tend to skew a bit on the awkward side- I guess it’s due to the bizarre mix of locals, college kids who think they are locals (but aren’t), suburbanites who travelled to the city for their “big night out” and of course the wild card folks who don’t fit any type of profile I could think up.

 It was a rainy and stressful trek into the city that night and I stepped sideward out of the line, courteously, to smoke a cigarette.  Out of the damp and gloom stepped a man- he appeared to be homeless- twice my size or more (not that large of feat if you ever saw me).  He approached me asking in a lighthearted but incredulous tone “Ha! You FOLLOWING me girl?!”. Since I definitely wasn’t, I didn’t quite know what to make of this inquiry. I laughed and returned bluntly “No, man.” Of course, next he asked me for a cigarette.  Not like I NEED them, so I handed one over. I also was not positive how benign the situation was at this point- I like to think myself street-smart to a degree, so while I was sizing it up I had my hand clamped tightly over my crossbody bag, glancing back to my squad still in line. I was planning my return to them when he asked me the most utterly ridiculous thing.

   “Can I get a hug?” I whipped around, shocked really- but also feeling like I needed to get the hell out of there because this COULD NOT be the start of a positive experience.  I shook my head, “Ah, man, no, I’m sorry”... he stayed, badgering me a little “come on, can’t I get a hug? Just a little hug? Come onnnn, gimme a hug!” I hate that type of persistence. It’s a thing about men in general I can’t stand. Their ironclad will to continue to make a situation uncomfortable even when you’ve made it clear you want nothing more to do with it.  It made it easier for my “no” to become firmer.

  At this moment, he stopped. He looked me straight on in the face, his large dark eyes met mine, unblinking. His jovial tone was gone-  and he said the most serious thing any stranger has ever said to me “Please. I really need a hug”.

    Every ligament in my body went lax. I swiveled around and threw my arms around him and held him there, just for a second or two- silently. I let go, smiled, and walked away- my group had reached security at the door to the club.

    I called back to him, “You’re welcome!” because I know my hugs are awesome and also because I know I really gave him a little breath of myself, a small momentary connection-and that I wanted him to appreciate it. I did it because I knew in that instant that he really really needed it- and that in a small way I made him happy for a moment.  He said as I was leaving, to the crowd at large, loud enough for them to hear “Yes. Real people- they get it. It’s real”  and then something about “Aren’t we all just people? We all need to feel loved. We all need to be cared for. We need it!”. I’m pretty sure his sidewalk proclamations continued when I went inside. I didn’t look back again. The band was amazing. I went home. I retold the story to myself as I fell asleep in my bed at my house and I smiled.

 “Or Not” by Cristina Byrne

Rejection is always painful or at the very least awkward but being rejected for a hug feels especially personal for some reason. Can we all agree that most people would rather avoid conflict than initiate confrontation, especially if the stakes are low. I’d say accepting a one to three second hug from someone you don’t like takes a lot less energy than avoiding the hug or ignoring the person altogether. Unless you have a really good reason, we accept it.

I went up to someone to congratulate them with a hug and got rejected. I proceeded to hug the next person in line to try and play it off but it was still awkward. At that moment I knew exactly how Keesha felt when she tried to give Jerry Seinfeld hug.

I walked away from the situation and took a moment to reflect. I realized that I invaded someone’s personal space, which I have the tendency to do. My intention is to be warm but I am sometimes unaware of what boundaries are set into place. Maybe this had nothing to do with me and this person is simply not a hugger. So the rejection was understood and forgiven, and I moved on.

But later, I saw my “rejector” hug another person. I was confused and immediately went down the dark rabbit hole of wondering questions and thoughts.

“How come some people get to invade someone’s space and others don’t? 

“Does this explain how some people can get away with murder and others don't?” 

"Do I smell?"

As I made my way back out of the rabbit hole, I came to the conclusion that the first question we should ask when we approach someone is, "How should I greet you?”

“And Embrace the Awkward” by Christina Ihnken

I just recently moved back to Europe from the United States and was immediately reminded that here, to greet someone, you don’t hug but kiss each other on the cheek.

In Austria you give 2 kisses, one left, one right, but only to friends and family, and even then, this is mostly something girls do. In the french part of Belgium, where I live now, one kiss on the cheek is customary.

Imagine me walking up to a restaurant and three of my husband’s new friends are waiting for us, ready to meet me. To make a good impression for my husband’s sake, I took a big step outside of my comfort zone and leaned in for a hug with the only female in the group and as I had both arms wrapped around her, she did not engage in the hug but instead she kissed my cheek. I released her immediately, remembering out loud “Sorry, forgot I'm in Europe”. We both chuckle and all was well.

Moving on to the next person, a guy, I extended my hand as in my mind only girls, friends, and family get a kiss, but he leaned in to kiss my cheek instead. As I pulled away after one kiss, I realized I left him hanging halfway for a second kiss on the other cheek. “I’m French. In France we give two kisses” he explained, and I leaned forward to receive the second kiss to not be rude. As we were indeed close to the French boarder this made perfect sense. I nervously laughed it off and replied, “same in Austria”. At this point I was already confused and embarrassed but I had one more person to greet. He didn’t extend his hand, so I thought to myself “two kisses in France, here we go”, but NOPE, I got one kiss on the cheek and as I leaned over for the second kiss, that person had already turned away to greet the next person in the circle. 

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Here is what we’ve learned sharing our stories. It all comes down to this:

Meeting someone for the first time can be uncomfortable for both parties. We don’t usually remember what someone said to us when we first met them, but we do remember how we felt. Therefore, wouldn’t it be nice if we meet people with the intent of making them feel welcomed instead of worrying how we are perceived? 

If someone asks for a hug, give them a hug, unless they smell. If someone denies you a hug, their loss, because they must not know about the amazing health benefits of hugging. And if you made a complete fool out of yourself, move to a different country and start over, but remember to learn the local customs first.

Whatever the situation, as long as you are being genuine, you have more to gain than you have to lose.

ENTRY: Journal Entry of Entrepreneur Sarah Lieswald

In July of 2015, I decided to make a huge leap and go out on my own as a graphic artist. I left my 9-5 graphics position and could not have been more excited and scared at the same time. I was confident that I would be successful. I mean, you have to be confident when you make a leap like that, or at least pretend to be. I was definitely pretending. But, the leap took me out of my comfort zone and it’s the best thing I could have done. Two and half years later and I’m a very different person.

I don’t mind being told what to do when I am in an environment that is productive and everyone I am working with is invested in a joint effort. I do mind putting effort and time into a job that is not invested in me. When I left my job I had been disheartened that I couldn’t make a bigger impact within the company. I wanted to do more and have more freedom. It terrified me to think about sitting in the same desk five or ten years down the road. I wanted more in life and knew the only way I could do that was to take some risks.

Deciding to go out on your own and be 100% responsible for your income changes someone in a lot of ways. No one is going to pick up the slack for you or do your work for you if you’re sick and no one is going to pay you vacation time. Starting out — at least for me — these are things I realized that were initially difficult to cope with. I’ve learned that being 100% accountable for everything you do can also be a blessing. When I worked as a 9-5 employee I felt accountable for my work, but I really wasn’t. If a client wasn’t happy my manager dealt with it. If something needed to be done over the weekend then it waited until Monday. Now no one is there to clean up the messes, I have to own them and fix them for myself. This may sound undesirable but, when you reach a higher level of responsibility you reach a point where you start to improve yourself, personally, to match. This is good, it puts you in tune with a whole new level of self-exploration.

Now, let’s talk about expectations: What I am doing now is not what I had imagined. Yes, I am creating art for paying clients, but I also a developed a second income. About 6 months into going out on my own I realized I needed a supplemental income. I was making money but I wanted to be making more and I’d read frequently that it was smart for entrepreneurs to have multiple sources of income. I knew I wanted my second source of income to be something where I could control the hours and pay, so I decided to try dog walking. After a few months, I started to acquire regular clients, now I walk 5 to 10 dogs a day. I love it. It’s been the perfect partner for my design work and still allows me freedom. When I first started walking dogs there was a level of shame I held onto. I’ve always been too worried about what people thought and I worried that people would think I was a failure because I wasn’t a graphic artist 100% of the time. I thought they would think I was a joke because I was walking dogs for a living. There probably are people I know that think what I do is a joke. It wouldn’t surprise me and nothing I do is going to change their minds. What I’ve come to realize is that too many people live their lives doing what they or other people think they should be doing. People get caught up in what society dictates as success. I’m happy and I love what I do, I’m not sure how many people can say that.

There’s so much advice out there and so much you can spend money on to help you figure out what you want in life. My advice is to take risks and learn that going against the grain can be one of the best things you can do for yourself. The journey of self exploration is messy, but I guarantee you it will be worth it.

Art Work Created by Sarah Lieswald

“One of my current art projects is creating illustrations from quotes that inspire me. For the longest time I struggled with making personal art because I felt like everything had been done. The world we live in is very saturated, I’ve come to realize that it’s unrealistic to think that anything you make can be 100% original. What I focus on now is how to make art out of what influences me. Obviously, my influences always need to be given credit, but I don’t think there is any shame in creating art because you are inspired by someone else’s work. We all need some kind of muse.”